Is This What I Desire?
by WriterforLife29
Summary: Focuses on Mikael and his quest to become an angel with Noelle and Silky. It is the only thing that drives him for the longest time. But when he learns what it means, Mikael begins to doubt everything he has learned. RaphaelxMikail


Up in the clouds, drops of brightness fell from the sun and into a shallow pool. Graceful hands cupped the liquid sunlight and molded it into spheres. They brought the orbs to their lips and whispered to it. Some recited short poems, others sang, some just gave short words. Whatever they said, it breathed life into the balls and inside stirred the new angel that would soon come into being.

They were then taken to be delivered by stork, on their way to heaven to be fostered by older angels. But one did not meet this fate. En route the stork was attacked and the one sphere fell, splitting into three and separating. The angels realized one of their own was lost and did their best to recover them. Only one of the balls was found.

"This was all that was brought back?"

"It is...lacking..."

"It is all we have. But once they are born, we will teach them to sense the other parts of their soul. Then they can come back together."

Angels learned of their abilities and honed their skills at Angel Academy. If they could graduate from here, they would be fully realized and earn their wings. This was where Mikael began his education. He, along with his brethren, was raised in places akin to boarding homes, watched over several older angels before they reached the appropriate age to begin at the academy.

Mikael was still young when he first met Raphael. He was about ten years old. The older one was standing under a tree by himself. Mikael had grabbed the wrist of someone passing by and asked who that was.

"That is Raphael. He is different from you."

"Different from me?"

Mikael gathered the courage and approached him personally. "They said...well, are you...why...", he fumbled over his words.

Raphael smiled and laughed. "They told you that I'm not like most of you, didn't they?" He sat down and gestured for Mikael to do the same. "I wasn't born an angel like you."

"You weren't? Then, why...?", Mikael's eyes glanced at the white wings upon Raphael's back.

"Sometimes, humans can turn into angels, if their desire is strong enough."

"Desire? You wanted to become an angel that badly? Why?"

Raphael smiled patted the top of Mikael's head, minding his halo. "I wanted to help people."

Mikael was unused to the show of affection but slowly melted into it. That hand was large, and warm, and welcoming. The angels that looked after Mikael were kind, but they weren't as gentle as this. And at times, he was reminded how much he was lacking.

 _"When you find your other parts..."_

 _"The day you become whole..."_

 _"After reuniting your soul..."_

It was the future Mikael strove for. When he brought the other pieces of his soul together, he would be able to graduate and be a true angel. Mikael attended his classes at the academy once he turned fourteen. He studied diligently because he wanted to prove himself. Mikael could never forget that he was only a fraction of what he was supposed to be.

He learned to sense the other parts of himself and found that there were two other pieces. So now he knew he was only one-third of what he was supposed to be.

"One-third, huh?", Raphael strummed his guitar. "So now you just need to find them, right?"

"Yes!", Mikael said excitedly. "Once I do, we can come back together and be a real angel. Everything will be as it should be."

Raphael patted his head. "You're closer to your goal."

"Yes", his voice was more subdued as he moved closer to Raphael. "It's all that I've ever wanted."

"Why do you want to be an angel?"

"Why? Because...because an angel helps people."

"What people?"

"What people? ...Ev...everyone."

Mikael looked up to Raphael in both senses of the word. He was taller and worth admiration. Raphael was one of the few humans who became angels. He devoted most of his time to answering as many prayers as he could on behalf of God. Other times he worked with newly winged angels to teach them how to fly and live with feathers. The rest of the time, he was with Mikael.

"Raphael-sama, why do you spend so much time with me?", he asked one day.

"Why?", he laughed softly. "I'm something of a private tutor, don't you think?"

"Private? Just for me?" Mikael looked away and fidgeted.

Raphael wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close. Mikael froze for a second before allowing himself to relax and settle in against him. Here in his arms everything felt perfect. Mikael didn't feel like one-third of a person. He felt whole, as if he was complete. They began to spend more time together. Two years had passed and their relationship grew. Raphael's touches became less chaste.

"Raphael-sama!"

"What? Do you not like that?"

"I-it's not about that! It's just-!"

Mikael squirmed as warm hands stroked his thighs. It brought about foreign sensations that weren't altogether unpleasant. But even so, the fact that they were out in a field where anyone could see them put Mikael on edge. Though it seemed the other didn't mind. Raphael had put Mikael in his lap which seemed innocent enough until his fingers wandered.

Raphael nuzzled his neck. "Do you want me to stop?"

For a moment, he didn't respond, as if weighing the options. "No", he whispered on the softest voice.

"My cute Mikael." Raphael turned him around in his lap so that they faced each other. Mikael blushed and averted his eyes but felt a finger push his chin to look up. He met darker irises and then he felt something soft against his lips.

A few days after, Mikael waited by the tree where they'd first met. He fidgeted in place when suddenly familiar arms wrapped around him from behind. Mikael turned with a big smile that fell immediately.

"Raphael-sama! Your wing! What happened?!"

Instead of answering, Raphael kissed the top of his head. "My cute Mikael. My cute, sweet, beautiful Mikael."

No matter how much he pressed, his questions about his missing wing were never answered and he didn't know who to go to in order to find out.

A few months later, he was seventeen and called upon to complete his mission. In a small, dark room, Mikael sat at a table, surrounded by his older brethren. Raphael was absent. On the table sat a large but shallow bowl of water, reflecting their faces. Mikael focused and the water showed two visions - one of a blonde girl with a halo atop her head. The other image showed a rather sullen girl, whose halo was not there.

"Now that you have found their identities , it is your duty to bring them together."

"One has recently moved to the Human World. The other is in the Demon World."

"You will be left to your own devices. You must become an angel."

"You will leave immediately."

"Immediately? Um, what about Raphael-sama? May I say goodbye to him?", Mikael pleaded.

"Raphael has disgraced himself. He has objected to your mission."

"He wouldn't do that! Why would he do such a thing?" Becoming an angel was all Mikael talked about. Raphael understood how much it meant to him. He would never try and get in the way of that.

"He was against it because of what would happen to you in the process."

"Process?"

"When you and the other two rejoin, Mikael will no longer exist. The full and complete angel will take your place."

 _Mikael will no longer exist._

 _Mikael will no longer exist._

 _Mikael will no longer exist._

 _My cute Mikael._

He sat cross legged alone in a small apartment. This was to be his new home while in the Human World, given to him by the angels. He knew they were watching every moment. Noelle was the closet part. And her halo was still on top of her head. She should be the easiest to reunite with. Mikael felt a pain in his chest. He wanted to become an angel more than anything.

But doing so would mean losing himself. He would be gone forever. Instead, the real person he was meant to be would be there. That meant his relationship with Raphael would end. Things couldn't remain the same if he changed. Was it worth it? Raphael must have thought so, to lose his wing over it. Being without him...losing himself...It almost sounded like he would be dying.

Tears fell down Mikael's face and he curled up into a ball. He wanted Raphael's arms around him. He wanted to be surrounded by his warmth. He wanted just the two of them. Not a second or third piece turning him into another.

"Raphael-sama! I don't want to be an angel!", he screamed in anguish.

Mikael sobbed and it was the only sound for a moment until he heard something fall to the floor. Confused, he looked and saw it there, sitting so plainly that he couldn't believe it at first. Mikael reached up to feel around over his head and he felt nothing. With trembling hands, he picked up the halo that had dropped. His halo. Feeling the weight in his hands brought back all the words he'd heard since being born.

One-third

A fraction

A part of

Not whole

Incomplete

Mikael wasn't a real angel. If he wanted to reach that goal, he had to finish his duty. If he wanted his life to have any meaning, he had to do it. Otherwise his entire existence would be worthless. He would be worthless. Mikael laid on his futon, cradling the halo tightly and crying softly. He whispered Raphael's name, the only comfort he could imagine.

If he became an angel, what he had with Raphael would be gone. But if he ran away from this job, then what was the point of him being born?


End file.
